Pre-Mother’s Day 2012

This past week has been pretty rough.  I had a sweet friend lose a baby before it was full-term and ended up doing some things to help her with the graveside service.  It’s been very emotional and trying.  I’m not even the one who’s gone through all of the heart-break but I’ve had a very difficult time holding it together.  I made the baby a little gown to be buried in and used Vivian’s little nine-inch doll that my grandma had given Christian because it was the perfect size.  Vivian was not very happy I had the doll and I kept trying to explain that I needed it.  When I told her I was making it for a little baby who was now an angel because the baby died she kept saying “baby died” all day.  I feel like I was kind of a bad mommy because I wasn’t playing with Vivian as much but she was the sweetest little angel for me and just sat at the little table behind me and colored the whole time I was working on the dress after I explained things.  That night Vivian peeked her head into the door while I was taking a shower and said “Mommy, the baby with Jesus”.  I was really shocked and touched that she would make that connection.  I had said he was an angel but didn’t go through much detail.  I asked Jared if he said anything to her but he said it hadn’t.  She just knows. 

Once I finished the dress Friday morning, I had to race Vivian to be with my friend Julie and I ran to the school to help volunteer for Field day.  It was really fun and the heat didn’t really bother me.  I think it’s cute and kind of funny that Christian was one of the only boys who didn’t take his shirt off with all the water games.  He has a real modest streak.  I spent most of the time taking kids to the bathroom and the nurse one of the times (one girl was playing with her tooth the whole time and it finally fell out so I got the honor of taking her to the nurse).

After the kids were finished up with field day, we all got changed and then I had to wait outside the classroom for the mother’s day tea.  It was so cute.  When all the moms came into the class, we were greeted by a “Welcome Queen Mother” and our child “crowned” us with a pink crown.  Then the children sang their little hearts out for us.  I love how Christian looks in this.  He was very into the actions. (By the way, notice the cute “queens” on the background paper?  Each child made one of their mother…you can’t see me, but I have a triangle nose with nostrils…interesting at least I’m the only mother who can breath without using her mouth.)

After the songs, the teacher read us the story “I’ll Love You Forever” which always makes me cry.  And then after that the kids presented us with a cute little notepad they drew the cover of, a bookmark with their picture and the saying “Motherhood: Nothing else ever will make you as happy or sad as proud or as tired for nothing is quite as hard as helping a person develop his own individuality especially while you struggle to keep your own.”  I also got a book about Me by Christian with illustrations my favorite line is “Q. What does your mom like to do? A. My mom likes to sleep.”  I guess he’s been listening somewhat when he wakes me up early in the morning.  The last thing he gave me was a list of the top ten reasons he loves me.  My favorite reason is number 3 “I know my Mom is smart because she learns from me.”  Then the teacher invited the children to come up and serve their moms cake and tea or water.  It was such a sweet little party.  I really love Christian’s teacher she really makes things special for these kids and for the parents too.  I am so grateful that I have such a sweet little boy to be mine.  He really is the best boy in all the world.  I’m so lucky to be his mom.

Saturday was the service for my friend’s baby and I played the violin for it.  I think that was one of the most difficult times I’ve ever played in my whole life. I’ve never actually felt that “choked-up” with the feeling that I was literally choking.  I honestly felt like I couldn’t breathe for some of the service.  It was a miracle that I made it through and played as well as I did.  I am so so sad for my friend.  When we were talking on Friday she said “This is the sorrow of all sorrows.”  I truly believe her.  I can’t imagine holding a baby that will never grow up and say funny things.  It’s so heart-breaking. 

Later in the afternoon, we all went and got haircuts.  Christian’s hair is so thick that I had them take off a lot.  Jared freaked out when he saw how short I had her go but I think it’s cute and it will be back before you know it.  Then we stopped at the park and I bribed the kids to pose for photos so they could play on the playground.

Here are some (okay a lot) of photos of my two darlings on the day before mother’s day.

I am so grateful that I have these two sweet spirits to be my children.  I can’t express how honored I feel that Heavenly Father would loan these little ones to me.  I just hope with all my blundering around as a mom, I won’t ruin them too much as they grow up.